What are you Waiting for?

             In the summer of 2024, during the middle of a month-long guided backpacking trip through Mont Blanc, the tallest mountain in the European Alps, where I had encountered the most difficult physical adversity of my life.  After pushing my physical and mental perseverance to its limits, I found myself on a day of reflection with my friends.
We sat alone in nature with our journals, reflecting on ourselves and each other as directed by our facilitator, Tom Shelstad.
This was not the first guided trip with Tom, whom had always been an inspiring and motivating mentor. He encouraged us to hold nothing back and give each other brutally honest feedback in the form of a question. Little did I know, this day would bring me an unexpected encounter with gratitude that would change my life.
In a moment of deep connection and vulnerability, I sat in the room of the Refugio, a hiking trail hostel in La Fouly, Switzerland, where we slept alongside strangers. As it was my turn to receive feedback from Tom, I was nervous and awaited the moment to be over.
It was time for Tom’s feedback.  He looked at me and asked, “What the f*** are you waiting for?”
Tom, my mentor for years, had seen something in me that I had long ignored—my potential. He understood me perfectly, for most of my life  I had hesitated and overthought everything, been insecure with myself and watched opportunities pass me by because I was too afraid to take a chance on myself. But Tom’s words, so direct and raw, struck me like lightning.
He told me that I was smart, handsome, kind, and worthy. His words shattered something inside of me. I felt an ache swell in my chest, a raw emotion that spilled over as tears flowed down my face. I didn’t know why I was crying, but the tears came anyway, tears of thankfulness, tears of release. In that moment, it felt as if a weight I had carried for years had been lifted from my shoulders.  I had built up walls around myself, hiding my feelings, keeping my insecurities locked inside, never allowing myself to shed a tear in front of anyone else. I had never allowed anyone to truly see me, not even myself. Tom saw beyond the armor I had built and offered me a glimpse into who I truly was.
Tom wasn't just seeing my insecurities I tried so hard to hide, he was seeing my potential and who I truly was, versus how I was seeing myself and putting myself down.  At that moment the fog that blurs the view of myself was lifted but everyday isn't as clear as that one. Now I draw on that moment and those words, “ What are you waiting for?"   My reply is simply, "To step out of my comfort zone and achieve."  I feel that I owe it to my mentor and to myself to not let my fear control me.
His words have motivated me to be the best version of myself:  by not being controlled by what others think, not being scared to take a leap of faith, and to express my true feelings with dignity. I am not the best version of myself but I'm evolving and am grateful for my mentor, Tom, for giving me that moment to look upon and guide me on my path. That moment mixed with vivid memories of the majestic alps leaves a timeless memory in my mind. Tom, my mentor has been with me throughout my young adulthood as a backpacking guide but also a guide to my "within." I will always be grateful for his impact on my life and his wisdom that has shaped me to be the person I am today.

…it's my last term in high school before I graduate now and I want to thank you so much for everything you taught me. Right before I went into high school I went on the trip to the North Cascades… You provided me an experience that taught me so much about being grateful and in touch with myself. I didn't know it, but I had been in denial for so long about how I felt about myself and everything around me until you made an effort to reach in and help me see how I felt. The trip to Iceland and Mont Blanc was incredible. I will never forget the day when we had to write in our journals about the prompt 'if someone really knew me....' that journal entry was like an out of body experience where I really delved into who I am and how I feel. When I feel lost, I always re-read what I wrote in that entry. I really want you to know that I am a better person because of the safe and fun environment you created on these trips.